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New Year 1998
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C: You shoot yourself in the foot.
C++: You accidentally create a dozen instances of yourself and shoot them all in the foot. Providing emergency medical assistance is impossible, since you can't tell which are bitwise copies and which are just pointing at others and saying, "That's me, over there."
Modula-2: After realising that you can't actually accomplish anything in this language, you shoot yourself in the head.
DOS (all versions): You finally found the gun, but can't locate the file with the foot for the life of you.
Ada: If you're dumb enough to actually use this language, the United States Department of Defense will kidnap you, stand you up in front of a firing squad, and tell the soldiers, "Shoot at his feet."
APL: You shoot yourself in the foot, then spend all day figuring out how to do it in fewer characters.
APL (alternate): You hear a gunshot, and there's a hole in your foot, but you don't remember enough linear algebra to understand what happened.
Assembly: You crash the OS and overwrite the root disk. The system administrator arrives and shoots you in the foot. After a moment of contemplation, the administrator shoots himself in the foot and then hops around the room rabidly shooting everyone in sight.
dBase: You squeeze the trigger, but the bullet moves so slowly that by the time your foot feels the pain you've forgotten why you shot yourself anyway.
Basic: Shoot yourself in the foot with a water pistol. On big systems, continue until entire lower body is waterlogged.
Visual Basic: You'll shoot yourself in the foot, but you'll have so much fun doing it that you won't care.
Pascal: The compiler won't let you shoot yourself in the foot.
Unix: % ls foot.c foot.h foot.o toe.c toe.o %rm *.o rm: .O: No such file or directory % ls
SQL: You cut your foot off, send it out to a service bureau and when
it returns it has a hole in it, but will no longer fit the attachment at the
end of your leg.
Last Updated: 31 October 1998